OK, so I give up on trying to remember to do this every single day. Some days I just don't have a lot to say and instead of writing gibberish I am going to focus on only writing when I feel I have something pertinent to share. I promise I am not being lazy because I really do enjoy my blog. Sometimes though there just isn't anything to be said.
Today, however, I want to share something that has been on my mind a lot lately. Finding true love. I don't mean love from parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, or friends. I mean that one true, everlasting, unconditional, butterflies in your belly kind of love. Though I thought I had found it a few years ago I was mistaken. I thought "praise God" I have waited so very long for this...now, my life's newest chapter will begin!
Well, here I am two years later and two years older...still hoping for that elusive love to find me. I know that my life's timeline is up to God and I do have faith in that, but the waiting can sometimes be unbearable. Thankfully I am a strong self reliant person who knows without a shadow of a doubt that I can thrive on my own. The thing is...I don't want to.
So many people say, "you're better off by yourself. You don't have all the crap to put up with that we do!". QUIT SAYING THAT...IT IS INFURIATING! I want the crap. Crap is a part of life, but it isn't your entire life. Most of us live pretty happy lives. Sure, the mundane tasks of day to day life wear away at you, but all you have to do is put a little "umph" back into your life. Change your routine. Get a new hobby. Reconnect with some old friends, etc.
When you are in a relationship, in all it's wonderfully crappy glory, you at least have someone by your side going through it with you. Imagine always watching that scary movie by yourself, learning how to cook for one and eating 3 days of leftovers when you misjudge a recipe, snuggling up with pillows and blankets all the time, not being able to go on shared vacations with your best friends/family who are married (well, and not feeling like a 3rd wheel), being out to dinner with a group and being asked "are you the only one on this check?"...yes I am, ALWAYS!
"Would I like some cheese with that whine???" No, I want someone to share my life with! It comes so easily for some. Why is it so hard for others of us? I know God has a plan for me and I am being patient, but that doesn't mean that I cannot question my singleness sometimes. Most of the time I am fine because I have a wonderful family and many friends who help fill the void of a missing significant other in my life. Sometimes though I simply want to not feel like there is something wrong with me because I am 33 and single.
Believe me, it isn't a choice I have made. However, I have made the choice not to settle and not to ignore my moral compass for the sake of having someone. It isn't that important. I want to be happy, fulfilled, and hopefully be married and good Lord willing have children. It is my biggest desire in life, but it doesn't dictate who I am. Being a good Christian, daughter, sister, aunt, sister-in-law, and friend are what define me. Hopefully, one day I can add wife and mother to that list...
God Bless,
Tammy
p.s.
If you know of any God fearing, loyal, funny,
kid loving, responsible, hard-working men...
send them my way or light a fire under them
to say hi, go for coffee with me, or whatever!
I know that someone for me is out there. I may
already have them in my life...we just haven't
made that next step...who knows!
Have you thought about Spencer?
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