Day 4

Birthdays...we each have one a year. This week is a big week for bdays within my friends/family circle. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, Sunday, Monday, and next Friday! Thank goodness everyone doesn't expect gifts or I would be broke :) As I think ahead to my birthday next month I have been struck with a few different thoughts: good grief, am I that old? , what have I done with my life thus far? , wow...I really am not that old at all! ...they run the gammit as you can see.

33...if you asked me at 18 what I would feel like fifteen years later I would have missed my actual life by a few miles. Oh, to be young and naive again! I thought for sure that I would be married with several children my now. I thought I would be doing well financially and live in a nice home in the country somewhere. "The best laid plans of mice and men..."

So, what have I done with my life so far? This is someting that is always on my mind. As I look at my world around me I don't feel that I have accomplished much. I have never been married. I don't have any children. I don't have that house in the country or a big bank account. This weighs heavily on my mind a lot. I want more from my life. I want to feel a sense of accomplishment. I want all of the previously mentioned life milestones...what I have to embrace is that they'll come in time if it's the Lord's will.  Until then I need to be satisfied with what I do have. 

One of my very best friend's felt compeled a few weeks ago to write me a wonderful and encouraging letter. In it she spoke of the many ways in which she sees me as blessed: I have a college degree (whether I use it or not, no one can take it from me), I took the chance to follow a dream of opening my store, I have many wonderful friends/family members, my friends look to me in times of need becuase they know I will help in whatever way I am able, and I have many kiddos (blood related and not) that love their Aunt Tammy! She wanted me to know that even though I may not have some of the things I truly desire that I do have a lot!

As I read her letter over and over again, I began to realize that I need to find a way out of the pit I am in. I need to realize how great my life already is and will only be enhanced should I get all those things I deem as "missing" in my life. I need to be thankful...period. My focus needs to be on building better relationships. Both with those friends/family members I have now and with those people who are new in my life or that I haven't even met yet. I need to remember that I still have many things left in my life to look forward to.

33...the age Jesus was when he died for us! WOW...in comparison I haven't accomplished a lot :) However, I have many more years ahead of me to make my place in this world. The average person lives to about 80 years or so nowadays...that means I still have nearly 50 years yet to live! So, what I am complaining about? I have a great family, many wonderful friends, a roof over my head, food in my tummy, a great church family, and a loving Lord! Blessed am I :)

What lies ahead only the Lord knows, but when they time is right he will show me the way! Until then, I have to keep on keeping on. I have to work on loving me, loving those around me, learning about myself, learning about life, and seeking the gospel! Lots to do! Lots to do! Good thing I have time on my side to work on it all! 33...BRING IT ON!

God Bless,
Tammy